Write in kindness

In 1997 when my small rural Wisconsin law firm and I were stumbling onto the Internet there were only 4 books on Internet marketing on Amazon. Compare that with 22,792 today.

Two of the books had reviews so I bought them both. No idea what the other book was titled, but the one that became required reading for each team member was Cyber Writing : How to Promote Your Product or Service Online (without being flamed) by Joe Vitale.

We used email, listeservs, usenet groups, ASCII Text, FTP, and message boards back in the day to engage people not by promoting ourselves, but by answering people’s questions and suggesting how they could locate the best lawyers in their town.

Our prime directive when communicating online, which we pulled from Vitale, was “Write in Kindness.”

Before you start typing, consider: Are you writing out of kindness or from some other feeling? One day I was about to load and fire a message to several people who had been abusive to people online. Before I began writing I stopped, took a deep breath, and asked myself, “Am I writing out of kindness?” No, I decided. Okay. How would I write — or would I even write — if I were responding out of kindness?” I decided it was pointless to try and talk to this person, and I let it go. In this case, writing in kindness meant not writing at all.

As you journey through cyberspace, keep your prime directive in mind. If you encounter Romulans or other harsh life forms, do not despair. There are good souls out there who simply want to learn, experience, discover, and do business. Follow the prime directive and you will do well.

What’s so critical about the prime directive of writing in kindness is that the “ambiguity of intention” makes accurate communication nearly impossible when communicating in writing, especially online, as compared to face to face communication where we see feelings, emotions, concerns, and questions on another’s face.

But online, something happens I email you [think also blog today] the identical message: Somehow, the cold letters on the emotionless screen seem to communicate the worst. Unfortunately, people reading text online often assume that your words are meant in a sarcastic, negative, or even abusive way. What the screen doesn’t communicate is your true message, and as you can imagine this can be very bad for you. (emphasis added)

I am not saying don’t write, say, blog, or do things that people won’t disagree with. God knows I am a believer that if people are disagreeing with you that you’re doing something right.

But it’s possible to disagree without being disagreeable. It’s also possible to provide valuable insight and commentary on what you’re reading or observing without attacking a group, person, or organization.

With my Irish heritage and the nerves running from my brain to my mouth and from from brain to my fingers for keying being much shorter than the average person’s, I write this post as a reminder to myself more than to you.

Pick up Joe’s book. I was able to find a used one this week on Amazon. 15 years old but it’s message has aged very well.